It's been so long since I last blogged about my #StartOver classes. Since the last time I wrote, I went to NCTM. I was so grateful the conference was held in San Diego since that is pretty much the reason my district decided it was a good use of funds to send a few teachers from each of the sites for this event. I have learned many things but the one thing I wanted to implement right away in my classroom was giving students roles to play when working in groups. I got the strategy from ClaireVerti in her 30-minute burst session.
Her strategy calls for students working in groups of four. The role of two students are to talk about the math problem. The third student's role is to ask clarifying questions. The fourth student's role is to look at sentence starters and count how many times those phrases are used.
My technology TOSA Deatra asks me if I am doing station rotations on the day I decide to try this strategy and lets me know that she wants to spotlight it in her Teacher Tuesday Newsletter. My heart sank since station rotations are the best thing that ever happened to my teaching life and I would do anything to share the impact on all students with my friends at my site. But that wasn't what I was doing that day. I told her that I am trying a different strategy, one where students are assigned different roles for group work and if she wants to come and observe that, I would be happy to have her.
She came over, sat for almost the whole period and took some pictures. I hated myself by the end of the period.
I mean, my lesson didn't go as planned at all!
Typical of this class, I thought. Of course my students are not participating and of all the groups Deatra can sit at, she decided to sit with the group that is the worst in the whole class! Deatra probably thinks I should quit teaching as of today!
When the students left the room, I was already defensive. Before Deatra opened her mouth, I started telling her that the low participation rate is typical of this class, and in case she didn't notice, there were some groups where students were working collaboratively together. It's just that she couldn't see them because she was so involved with watching the group she was sitting in. Also, these kids, they don't really care about school and they are failing all their classes, not just mine and that's why they didn't do any work. And and....
When she had a moment, she started to speak in her calm voice. She said, "Princess, I don't think so. I think the students were trying. They just didn't really understand what was expected of them." She of course also mentioned all the great things that I did during the presentation. Deatra would never provide constructive feedback without any positive feedback.
But even then, for some reason, I felt more anger. I wasn't sure if I was angry at Deatra, at my students or myself.
I can't remember what I said or did after her comment. But I do remember acknowledging this:
The Princess with the beautiful heart who volunteered to take over the two #StartOver classes was gone. The daily grind of dealing with behavior issues and lack of support from EVERYONE turned me into the miserable, finger-pointing teacher that I despise.
I didn't blog. I didn't talk to anyone in fear that others will think of me like I do of me. I stopped calling parents. I didn't interact with my fellow friends when I attended conferences. I was in deep thought for many weeks. I started going indoor rock climbing almost everyday, even if it was for 30 minutes. I started thinking about what qualities make a good teacher. I wondered what kind of system would work best for the students I have in my #StartOver classes.
This is what I learned.
1. A good teacher is someone who DOESN'T get discouraged when results are not visible.
2. A good teacher continues to use effective strategies even if it looks like the strategies don't work.
3. A good teacher continues to look at how much the students, parents, coworkers and administrators are trying to support the teacher despite their circumstances.
4. A good teacher doesn't blame herself for lack of result.
5. A good teacher is a vulnerable teacher who invites other teachers to come into her classroom and asks for objective feedback on what the STUDENTS are doing, and accepts the input.
6. A good teacher shares her knowledge and experience of teaching a difficult class and supports other teachers like herself.
7. A class made up ONLY of students who need extensive support does not work.
This incident on this day way back last semester is the reason I asked Deatra to do a session on Being Brave and Persistent in the classroom with me. Because for the first time I understood (really late in my career) that there is no such thing as a bad teacher, just a defeated one, and we need to support each other. Finally, isn't it great to have a friend like Deatra who instead of agreeing with me to make me feel better, tells me that my negative perspective of my students are wrong?
Supporting each other as educators and taking action to relieve the mental trauma teachers go through has always been Deatra's project. I happened to benefit from her belief and thought more teachers might want to know that we are all the same. And we can only get better if we work together.
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