What my 6th grade son taught me at my darkest #StartOver Day 8

I took a break from blogging yesterday. I still want to share things for my betterment, but everything was doom and gloom in my head that I knew I wouldn't be helping myself if I wrote anything yesterday.

I started listening to "The Practicing Mind" by Thomas M Sterner on Audible at around 8pm. I didn't pick this audiobook. It's part of the free collection that comes with my Amazon Prime membership. I just wanted to take my mind off of work and think about something else.
Everything happens for a reason. This guy makes sense to me. He talks about golfers who's been playing for years and they are still horrible. What's wrong with this picture? Or what about people who are starting to learn to play golf who wants to play well for business purposes but does not practice at all then complain about their lack of progress?

I went to bed by 9pm and I woke up refreshed this morning.

I'm going to take Thomas Sterner's advice and enjoy the process. I'm going to continue and fine tune my skills as I navigate through the education system. I'm not going to be the same teacher from last year or even yesterday. So here I am. Blogging about yesterday.

I taught my students how to add fractions. The process was very sad. Students already took notes for this during station rotations on Wednesday. Most had the notes ready. I explained the above notes. It took between 1 and 2 minutes because I didn't have to wait for students to copy notes. Then I wanted to make sure students understood what I said for the past 2 minutes. So I called on N. "N, What is the first step in adding fractions?" She said she didn't know. "Sorry N. I don't know is not an option. What is the first step in adding fractions?" Then I pointed to step 1 on my screen. And I waited. Other students knew what was coming next but she didn't seem to realize it. One child blurted out the answer for her. "Find the common multiple!" I told K, "Thank you K, but you are not N. I want N to tell me. N, did you hear what K said? What is the first step?" Her station members pointed to her notes to guide her but now she was set on being resistant. I called mom. Mom said N told her that math is too hard for her. I gently reminded her that math is not the only subject she failed last semester. Mom tried to say something, then stopped. She said she will talk to N. I felt anger towards the mom. Why can't she just admit that something is wrong with her daughter's attitude? How does she explain the 5 F's in her daughter's report card from last semester? After the phone call, I asked other students questions to make sure they understood, and they answered. They didn't always answer correctly, but I saw them trying. Trying is always good.

(I realized my first step is wrong in my notes. We have to find the lowest common multiple. I wrote find the common factor. I fixed it today in class)

When the bell rang, Eric excitedly approached me and told me that he understood math for the first time in his life. I was walking on cloud 9 for about 3 minutes.

Then a new student was added to my class. I felt so much anger. She is my 36th child. We max out at 36. Do the counselors think I'm a superhero or something? I hated my life. Why did I volunteer? I don't need anyone to think I'm a good teacher. I can get by being normal.

You know what else? The class was meant for 9th and 10th graders. Counselors sent me 11th graders. I emailed the counselor and stated that this is a disservice to the child. Her response was that the children are from group homes and they will leave soon anyway. They really need help with math so they belong with me. I really am a dumping ground. I hate that counselor.

After school, Melanie, one of the teachers I actually respect, said she will cover my after school credit recovery class for me so I can attend the PBIS/MTSS/Discipline meeting. She is in charge of the credit recovery program. I want to describe her as "dedicated". Thanks to her, I attended the meeting. I was still very angry from the day's events. When the assistant principal ran the PBIS meeting, I felt like she wasn't respecting my opinions. I get paid for the credit recovery program. I volunteer for this meeting. Suddenly, I felt like I was wasting my time. I decided I will email her and let her know I no longer wish to volunteer.

After the meeting was over, I went back to my classroom to call another parent. E's mom was worse than N's mom. E failed all classes except Drama last semester. Mom was taking her daughter's side and telling me that E is not at fault since math is too hard for her. I hate this part of my job. I said, "I don't want to sound disrespectful, but you do know that math is not the only subject she failed, right?" Then mom says, "yeah. She always had a hard time with English and Math." I wanted to scream at her. "So how did your daughter fail PE and Spanish? When will you ever recognize that your daughter is no angel and do something about it?"

But I didn't. I wanted to hang up. I knew E won't be passing my class since mom won't be backing me up at home. Cuz it's my fault math is so hard. So I said to her. "Ok. Thank you. Can you please talk to your daughter about trying? I hope you have a good day. Good bye." I basically cut her off kindly in a very calm tone.

Then I went home. It was 6pm when I left.

So now you know why I didn't blog yesterday.

But today is today.
I woke up at 4:30am. I thought about the audiobook. I continued listening to it this morning on my way to work.

I decided I will go to one more PBIS/MTSS/Discipline meeting then email the assistant principal if I still feel like it is a waste of my time. In the end, I am a teacher and she is my boss and her vision trumps anyone else's vision. But I want to give this one more try. Because yesterday was a bad day for me. I don't want to project my feelings towards her.

I also thought about the two moms I spoke to yesterday. I am a mom too. I can't speak Spanish. I wouldn't know how to help my kids if they ever have a hard time with it in high school. If their teacher calls me, I might feel defensive. From one mom to another mom, I decided I'll cut them some slack. What does me being angry at the moms do any good for me or my students anyway?

As for the counselor, I can't forgive her. But as for the 11th graders, the poor children have bad grades in math. Since they are in group homes and they will soon move anyway, I should love them during their stay with me.

And I did have Eric who told me he understood math for the first time. Also the many other kids who are trying so hard to learn in fear of me calling their parents. They are so adorable when they try to produce work for me even though it's under duress.

Finally, Thursday was their very first test and as they turned in their test, they had to answer my 6 times table quiz in person. I saw them memorize the 6 times table before coming to me to turn in the test. They were nervous and some really didn't do well. But they really tried. It was really cute. I felt that I could at least get them to memorize the times table by the end of the semester. I saw hope.

So did one audio book change my perspective? No.

It was my son.

Today was the party for the honor roll students at his school. Last night, I asked him, "so, are you going to be okay tomorrow? I mean, you didn't get honor roll. During periods 2 and 4 you might get sad because some of your friends will be out playing and you'll be stuck in the classroom learning boring stuff. How many students got honor roll in your second period class?" My son didn't even hesitate for a second when he replied, "In my advanced English Language Arts class, everyone got gold honor roll except me. In my art class, only the loser kids will be left in the class." He sounded upbeat about it. I had to ask. "So how do you feel about it?"

He shrugged. Then he said, "mom, that was last semester. This is this semester. I'll make it this semester."

Yup. My son is deep. Thursday was Thursday. Today is today. Princess is back because I am my boy's mom.